Welcome to ToryCare. Our plans are brought to you in hope for a better, more efficient and higher quality healthcare service, by our resident lobbyists and advisers in the private healthcare industry. We hope to put patients back at the heart of our health service, to put clinicians in control without Whitehall bureaucrats meddling, and to put the UK’s failing health service back on its footing on an international stage.
(By that we mean of course, yet another shake-up of the health service for a public that has grown to recognise a con when they see it; to put GPs in charge of a budget they have not the time, the skills, or the capacity to manage; and to ignore top health economists forecasts of the NHS overtaking European counterparts with lower than average investment.)
At ToryCare, we like to think we know what we’re talking about. That’s why we choose to ignore the calls from the corners of the health unions, the TUC, the Royal Colleges, the British Medical Association, leading medical journals, our members on the Commons Health Committee, the Kings Fund, and probably countless others, since our primary stakeholders have welcomed our proposals with open arms: of course, private sector providers and management consultancies hold far more valuable opinions than the professionals and staff who manage the NHS.
No, at ToryCare, we know we can provide you the world’s highest class of healthcare, that’s if your local hospital has remained open of course, or your GPs have commissioned the right service for you. Or, if the system of publicly-funded healthcare has remained in place after our ‘evolutionary’ changes have been seen through.
If not, well we can always nudge you back to better health instead now can’t we, with our new regulation-light public health plans. No, at ToryCare, it’s our job to make sure your health is in anyone’s hands but ours. Because who knows what NHS shakeups we would have proposed had we actually committed to dismantling the NHS before last year’s elections.